Thursday, February 09, 2006

Self-fulfillment is not a motivation for the Prairie Muffin.

Christ on a cracker.

Esther Kaplan has a post up at Talk to Action regarding the current emphasis by conservative Christians (dominionists specifically) on returning women to June Cleaver status: The "Feminine Mystique" Redux. It's a thoughtful post, but the thing that boggled me most was a comment that included the Prairie Muffin Manifesto.

It appears to be real, though the crap it spouts is so repugnant that I was sure it was parody at first. Intellectually, I suppose I knew that there are women who are so eager for the jackbook of patriarchy on their necks, but give me a fucking break.

The whole thing is nausea-inducing, but these are some particularly vomitous highlights:

9) Prairie Muffins do not reflect badly on their husbands by neglecting their appearance; they work with the clay God has given, molding it into an attractive package for the pleasure of their husbands.

-- Don't forget your pearls and your Brazilian wax, Muffins! To do otherwise makes your Prairie Dawg (Jesus fucking Christ) look bad!

18) Prairie Muffins are fiercely submissive to God and to their husbands.

-- Wow, not just submissive, but fiercely submissive. Does that require piddling on the spotless floor?

22) Prairie Muffins try to maintain a peaceful environment for their families by keeping their voices quiet and their tones gentle as much as possible.

-- In this sense, "don't speak up" is taken quite literally. Dulcet tones, Muffins! You'll find this is not difficult with the suitable addition of a little Xanax, otherwise known as Magic Muffin Sprinkles.

36) Prairie Muffins are happy to be girls—they rejoice in the distinctives which God sovereignly bestowed on them which make them feminine. They are also happy that their husbands are masculine, and they do not diminish that masculinity by harping on habits which emanate from the fact that boys will be boys, even when they grow up. In addition, Prairie Muffins are careful not to use their feminine, hormotional weaknesses to excuse sinful attitudes and actions, but learn to depend more and more on God's grace and strength in the midst of any monthly trials.

-- That's right, Muffins, never forget you are cursed. Grovel abjectly on your knees before the Father-God who cursed you, and maybe He'll send you some heavenly Midol.

You know, as a Wiccan I try to respect all life, but if I actually met a Prairie Muffin, I'd have to consider being a coyote.




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